What Every Host Parent Needs to Know About Au Pairs & Culture Shock

FAQs from Host Parents:

1. What is Culture Shock?

Culture Shock is a phenomenon that occurs when a foreigner enters a new culture and experiences unpleasant adjustment symptoms that can range from problems sleeping, mental fatigue, a delay or refusal to speak the new culture’s language, a desire to return home and feelings of hopelessness. All au pairs experience some form of Culture Shock when they first arrive in your home.

Your counselor should have explained this phenomenon and what to expect and how to recognize the symptoms. However, many au pair agencies do not address this critical issue!

2. What should I expect when my new au pair arrives?

Au pairs experience culture shock in varying degrees when they arrive.

Most au pairs adjust quickly and are excited to meet the challenges of her new culture and all that is has to offer.

A significant number of au pairs never adjust and they usually return home soon after their arrival due to a number of reasons.

Culture Shock can disrupt the entire family's schedule and can result in a broken match. Protect your family's well-being and secure your match by knowing the facts behind Culture Shock & Au Pairs. Avoid costly rematches and time away from work.

3. How do I know my au pair is suffering from Culture Shock?

Recognizing Cultural Shock in your Au Pair

You will need to recognize the symptoms of cultural shock before you can help reduce the problems that may arise between your au pair and your family. If you understand how difficult it is for these young girls to adjust to a new country and a strange and different culture, you can be proactive in minimizing the disruption it can have on your family and for your au pair.

4. What happens if the problem doesn't get resolved?

Depression Can Set In

If left unchecked, Culture Shock can result in a clinical depression in your au pair. Some of the warning signs of depression are: homesickness that does not go away in 2-3 weeks, lethargy and sadness. If your au pair develops depression, she will be sent home in order to receive the proper medication and psychological intervention.

5. What should I do if I am a new host parent? How can I be prepared?

Educate yourself! Know as much as you can about Culture Shock so you can deal with it before it results in poor communication, childcare mistakes and/or rematch!

Do Not Hire an Au Pair Before you Read Our Comprehensive Report on Culture Shock and how it can affect your au pair and her relationship with your family and, most of all, your children!

My Wish List for Au Pair Agencies

Most American Families Do NOT Know That Au Pairs Are Very Affordable

It is true that many working families do not know how affordable au pairs are! I think one of the reasons is that the term au pair may scare off many parents who think you have to have money to hire a French babysitter! Most middle income families have little idea what an au pair is, or how affordable they are!

I was talking to a woman in the supermarket the other day and she was stressing out about her babysitter who just quit. This woman runs a dry cleaner and works long, hard hours. She was paying over $700 a week for a babysitter to care for her 2 children from 8 am - 5 pm. Her husband came home at 5 pm to relieve the babysitter.

When I told her she could host an au pair for half that amount she was thrilled, but said, "we don't speak French!"

Au Pair Agencies Do NOT Do a Good Job of Educating the American Public

There are many misconceptions about au pairs in this country - even after 25 years. A quarter of a century is more than enough time to educate the American public about au pairs, who they are, where they come from, and how much they cost, etc., but the au pair agencies have not done a very good job of it.

Many times, the only media attention au pairs get is when they do something wrong - then they are on the 5 o'clock news! These sensational stories do nothing for the au pair industry - if anything this reactive media attention serves to push the cultural exchange program further into the background of American childcare options.

Au Pair Programs Focus on Marketing Instead of Educating Their Customer Base

Why do au pair agencies do such a poor job of educating the American public about au pairs? Well, first, they don't have a long term vision of their business and the future of childcare in this country. They work pretty much day to day, to meet their quota of family enrollment to pay the bills and make a nice profit.

As long as this happens, au pair agencies don't really care about educating the American public, except to market their programs - these two goals are very different. You will never read a newspaper article about au pair programs unless it ends in a marketing sell. You don't read or hear from many VPs or CEOs of these unique businesses, not even in the Wall Street Journal or on the local news, unless again, it ends with a marketing plug. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

AuPairClearinghouse Educates and Shares Information with American Families

AuPairClearinghouse is the:

• First business to interview experts in the au pair industry and share with the American public how programs are run behind the scenes.
• First business to write loads of content on au pairs - who they are, how did the programs start, where they are recruited from, different nationalities, cultural differences, etc., even before the au pair programs did this themselves!
• Only third party business to rate and review the au pair agencies, giving parents the information they need to make educated choices when hiring a foreign stranger over the phone.

Au Pair Agencies Play Catch-Up, But Are They Gaining?

Now, little by little, au pair programs are placing blogs and content on their website for their host families. However, this is, in part, in reaction to the Clearinghouse's impact on the industry, but is it too little, too late? They had 25 years to educate the American public and they lost that opportunity. They cannot get that time back.

So, they play the marketing game, struggling to steal other agency customers by offering discounts, host family loyalty programs, etc.

Au Pair Programs Need to Educate the American Public

If they spent more money (and it doesn't cost that much to write about the program and send this information to newspapers in print and online; placing articles on their own website costs very little or next to nothing except to pay for a writer) on educating the American Family about au pairs, they would have more customers than they could handle.

Most agencies are small and cannot handle more than the 200 host families they service, but they also do not have people in charge who have the business acumen and vision to take their program to the top! What business do you know of that says "no" to more customers and more yearly revenue?

First Agency To Recruit Au Pairs Flounders

Once a leading agency, an older au pair agency, who is losing market share every day to their faster, sleeker competitors, actually tell their counselors they cannot give them money to place their au pair program stories in newspapers! They continue to tell their counselors that "word of mouth is the best marketing ad" and to just "keep providing good service". Well, they made the wrong decision years ago and now they are at the bottom of the bigger agencies and may soon call it quits. As their clusters dwindle, experienced counselors are jumping ship, because they need to replace lost revenue, and now the company is run largely by young, inexperienced counselors who are not giving the same good, quality service.

What Is Down the Road for Au Pair Agencies?

Keeping up with the times and current technology is important for any industry - the au pair programs struggle to keep their heads above water and to make themselves seen online to potential customers. But, you hardly hear from them - only occasionally, and most of the time the news story or press release is in the form of an ad or price reductions or a new discount. Older agencies have to freshen their marketing methods, get up to speed, replace old, outdated websites and hire writers to place good, useful content on their host family pages.

What should today's au pair agencies deliver today?

I have a few things on my wish list:

• Free Skype access to all host families and au pairs - in today's world, NO family should have to hire an au pair sight unseen over the phone!
• Personality Screening Disclosures - what kind of screening do agencies use and what do these tests reveal? Who makes the decision to block a prospective au pair based on this test?
• Au Pair Personality Reports that summarize this test and show how well (or poorly) the au pair did on the test. Allow the host parent access to this information so they can make an educated childcare choice!
• Full Disclosure On Rematch Au Pair - too many times programs will not share why rematch au pairs failed in their first and sometimes second family. Families have the right to know the facts! Let host families have access to this kind of information so they can make educated decisions for their children's well-being and safety.
• Full Disclosure on Weaknesses by Nationality - au pair agencies like to pretend that all au pairs are the same! They don't like to admit most Asian au pairs struggle with both English and driving. They point at the exceptions and say "See, Asian au pairs can drive! It is a myth that Asians cannot drive or speak English!" Well, the truth is MOST Asian au pairs struggle with both driving and English and it is due to their cultural experiences at home. Most of these au pairs, who have infant experience, are matched with new host parents, who don't know about these weaknesses. It is not fair, nor ethical, to hide an au pair's weaknesses when working with a new, inexperienced host family (who also has an infant) and expect that family to make due with a Thai or South Korean au pair who cannot communicate with them nor drive the family car.
• Special Needs Au Pairs - the au pair industry had 25 years to figure out how to recruit and train au pairs to care for America's special needs families. This is a lost opportunity for both the au pair business and sadly, for American parents who struggle to find safe, reliable and affordable childcare for their special needs children. I look forward to new au pair agencies who will develop a special needs program for one of most important and cricial issues facing our country today.

That is my short list! Anyone else want to add to this list?

What would be on your Wish List for au pair agencies?

Chinese Au Pairs

Overview of Chinese Culture and Chinese Au Pairs

The Chinese government opened its doors to foreign business in the 1970s and has not looked back since. Business is booming and statistics show that by 2025, China will be the world's largest economy! China has low unemployment due to their strong economy and au pairs do not have difficulty paying fees to sign up with au pair agencies. China is known as a state of etiquette and ceremonies. Courtesy to others, especially one's elder, is still very important in Chinese culture. The "one child only policy" still exists in China, so remember most, if not all, au pairs are an "only child" and are not used to large families with sisters or brothers (but that is slowly changing).

China's economic miracle impresses all those who travel there. As you stroll through major cities, you will see signs of progress everywhere: tall new office buildings, posh five-star hotels, gleaming, new and high-speed trains and modern and sleek airports, fancy residential towers and beautiful shopping malls that offer all the newest designer "goodies."

However, despite the new, rich and modern China, there is significant poverty for most of the population. Because of a vast disparity of income levels and a developing "class" system, some au pairs will have difficulty finding the money to pay for program fees.

So, we should expect that most of the Chinese au pairs arriving in the U.S.A are from the new and prosperous families who have the financial resources to foot the bill to send their daughter to America.

What are Chinese au pairs' main motivations to become au pairs and spend a year abroad in America? What are their Potential Strengths, their Potential Weaknesses?

Can Chinese au pairs drive well enough for busy American families? What about their English skills - do they pass with flying colors or is this a skill that needs more work?

Matching with a Chinese au pair is a bold move and a leap of faith - there are many cultural differences between Americans and the Chinese beyond the driving and communication. The positive side includes their patience with children and their hard work, the negatives are few, but can raise key questions before a family decides to host an au pair from China.

One of the most critical motivations American parents have in hiring a Chinese au pair is exposing their children to Mandarin - predicted to become the next language spoken in business worldwide, replacing English.

Read more about Chinese au pairs in our comprehensive review of China, Chinese au pairs and why they may be a good fit for your family's childcare needs! We review the strengths and weaknesses around hosting an au pair from China.

Read the entire article on Chinese Au Pairs

For more information about Chinese Au Pairs, read our exclusive interview with Tanna Wilson, an expert in hosting Chinese au pairs. Tanna Wilson is the Managing Director of goAUPAIR, one of several leading agencies recruiting Chinese au pairs for American families.

Use An Agency Designated by the U.S. Government, For Safety's Sake!

What does the Department of State designation mean?

America's current au pair program was established by the U.S. Government in 1986 as an educational and cultural exchange program with a childcare component.

The business idea was to recruit young women to spend a year abroad, learning another culture and travel, while providing 45 hours a week in childcare to their "host family." Host families pay the agency for this service.

The larger au pair agencies are a million dollar business. Au pair "programs" have to meet certain requirements and once they are approved, they receive a "designation" to sponsor or "run" their program.

As designated sponsors, all current au pair agencies must operate their programs in accordance with all of the US-DOS program regulations.

The government has set working hours, admission criteria, establishes the au pair weekly stipend and stipulates other important guidelines to ensure a positive experience for all parties.

The Au Pair Agencies

There are 13 "legal" au pair agencies in the United States. They are considered to be "legal" in the sense they have been approved by the Department of State (DOS) and are regulated by the U.S. government. DOS's goal is to make sure each au pair agency follows strict regulations concerning the overall recruiting, screening, training and agency monitoring of their au pairs.

Many of today's regulations were put into place by DOS after the Louise Woodward trial that involved the death of a host parents' young infant son, Matthew Eappen in 1997. Today, au pair agencies are closely monitored by DOS to protect the safety and well-being of American children cared for by foreign au pairs.

What are the au pair agencies responsible for?

Agencies carry out the day-to-day operation of the au pair program: they recruit, screen, select and match au pairs with host families.

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  They must ensure all au pairs are given a criminal background check and undergo psychological testing.


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  They must also ensure the au pairs speak and understand English.


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  Host families must be interviewed also and they are required to speak and understand English and meet all the requirements of hosting an international visitor.


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  Au pair agencies are required to train the au pairs according to US-DOS regulations and they must monitor each match by providing monthly contact with both au pair and host family.

NOTE: Although US-DOS authorizes and monitors these 13 au pair agencies, host families must remember that they are ultimately responsible for finding the au pair that is right for their family.

Because au pair agencies are a business first, they market and run their business to make a profit.

Not all agencies are the same and not all agencies have customer service as their benchmark. Most agencies want to make a profit and will always present the positive elements of the program to host families, shunning any mention of the cons.

First, and foremost, parents should become fully informed on the au pair industry and then carefully and thoroughly interview both the agency and any prospective au pair before welcoming a stranger into their homes.