Interview With Tamaki Bowman, Owner of AuPair International Japan

Interview with Tamaki Bowman, Owner of AuPair International Japan
By Edina Stone, June 2010

I had the privilege of interviewing Tamaki Bowman, owner of AuPair International Japan (AIJ). AIJ is a “sending agency” from Japan that recruits au pairs from Japan and sends them to the USA through two of the 12 Department of State approved au pair agencies: Au Pair International and Au Pair Foundation.

Edina: Tamaki, as you know, the International Au Pair Association voted the first Asian au pair, Mayumi Yano, of InterExchange Au Pair USA, as 2010 Au Pair of the Year! We posted the story on our website, including InterExchange’s reaction to the award:

“We are so very proud of Mayumi!” says Michael McHugh, Director of InterExchange’s Au Pair USA program. She’s an outstanding au pair and such a warm and caring person. Mayumi is actually the first au pair from Japan, and even the first from Asia, to win the award. Having such a great winner bodes well for everyone because we are seeing a lot more interest in the program in that part of the world.”

Tamaki, we would love to hear your response to this award. It must be exciting for the owner of a Japanese Au Pair Agency to know that a Japanese au pair won the 2010 Au Pair of the Year Award!

Tamaki: Yes, I feel very happy and honored to have learned that a Japanese Au Pair has won the Au Pair of the Year Award and would like to send warm congratulations to this year’s the winner, Ms. Mayumi Yano!

Edina: Americans are very curious about Japanese au pairs now that an au pair from Japan has won this year's Au Pair of the Year Award. Would you please tell our readers about the typical Japanese youth that chooses to become an au pair and travel abroad?

Tamaki: Sure! Japanese au pair applicants come from many different cities in the country, and they have different backgrounds. Most of the prospective au pairs have good work histories and work experience: many have worked in childcare facilities such as kindergarten and preschool while others have had very demanding positions in large corporations.

Working as an au pair is a big responsibility and we always encourage the young candidates who just got out of school to go find a job (preferably in childcare) and work professionally at least 6 months before making a decision to become an au pair.

All our applicants have a strong interest in working in the U.S. as an au pair with a main goal of learning English and developing a wonderful relationship with their host family. We give them a very detailed orientation about the program during the screening process, so all of our au pairs have the right expectations and understanding of the program by the time they arrive in the U.S. As a result, our applicants fully understand that living and working in the U.S. is a one-of-a-kind experience and is at the same time, a very serious commitment.

Edina: Your au pairs' qualifications are very impressive! Many host families do prefer older au pairs. Are Japanese au pairs college educated?

Tamaki: We have never recruited someone who just graduated from high school. Age-wise that’s possible but we just never met anyone who is 18 who can fulfill all of the strict requirements of the program. Most of our applicants have been between 21 and 26. And most of them have a degree from a junior college level or higher.

Edina: American host families are cautious about hosting au pairs from Asia, due to their fears the au pairs will not be able to drive well. What would you say to American parents about Japanese au pairs and their driving skills?

Tamaki: You drive in Japan once and then ask me the same question! If you can drive in Japan, then you can drive anywhere else in the world!

I don’t know about the rest of Asia, but specifically in Japan, the streets are very narrow and full of curves in most of the areas and in big cities there are terrible traffic jams and commuting people speed all the time. You have to have very, very good driving skills in order to drive in Japan!

So, for the au pairs who have driven “frequently” in Japan and have good driving records, the host families shouldn’t worry about their driving skills. Some of my au pairs worry about driving in the U.S. and I always tell them to “Be as careful driving as you are here in Japan, and you will be just fine!”

Edina: Thank you, this background on driving in Japan is very useful information that host parents want to know! Another concern American families have is the level of English the au pairs have. How fluent are Japanese au pairs in English? When do they begin to study English in school? Do they have strong oral communication skills?

Tamaki: I understand the concern Americans have regarding English skills. The English language is the only weakness that the Japanese au pairs are known to have! All of the people in Japan start to study English in middle school (7thgrade) through the end of high school (12thgrade) so at least for 6 years in total, so I would say they are all well-educated in the language, only, the study at school is mainly for reading, writing and grammar, and they never get the oral training they need to speak English really well.

So, while Japanese au pairs have good knowledge in written English, and they can understand what is being said to them in English quite well, they are very weak when it comes to speaking it. Of course, there are some who have studied abroad and have very good oral English communication skills, but the number is limited.

What I would like to emphasize is, though, and this has been so true in the many successful relationships our au pairs and their host families have had, that it’s not just the language skills that help build a trusting relationship between the au pairs and the host families. It’s the loving care that Japanese au pairs provide to the children, and the politeness and good manners they demonstrate with their host family as responsible working adults.

If both au pair and the host family have respect for each other, and make efforts to understand each other better, then the language should not be a serious barrier between them. I think the reason why Japanese make wonderful au pairs is that they take their responsibilities extremely seriously and they are very willing to work hard to build a great relationship with their host family. We are always very grateful for the hard work our au pairs put into their daily life during the program.

Oh, and one thing I cannot forget to mention about the Japanese au pairs is that they are extremely patient. They don’t lose their temper easily (this is a cultural difference as we are taught to be patient by our parents in Japan). Wouldn’t that be one of the more important qualities that a host family wants their au pair to have than English proficiency?

Edina: Yes, I think host families would certainly treasure these qualities! American families will appreciate the Japanese au pair's willingness to work hard as well as the patience she will bring to her childcare responsibilities. Tamaki, please talk about some of the defining characteristics of a typical Japanese au pair: culture, family, lifestyle, food, etc.. What can American families expect when they host a Japanese au pair?

Tamaki: Yes, certainly, I would love to talk about Japanese culture! I have lived in California for 8 years now but I was born and raised in Japan. I can say the things below are some of the typical characteristics of the Japanese au pair:

1. Personality: Japanese are shy, modest, polite, well mannered, quiet and reserved. The people in Japan are trained since childhood to be modest and polite in public, and not to speak out or to be confrontational. Being modest is a cultural virtue and is always highly appreciated.

Host Family TIP: This doesn’t mean Japanese au pairs don’t like to talk to people. They do love to chat as any young girl in any country, only they are brought up to behave nicely with other people, and they may seem quiet or even reserved at first. Once they open up, they are all very curious and fun-loving young girls.

2. Rules & Harmony: We value harmony and follow rules – most Japanese hate to break harmony, or are even afraid of doing so. People work carefully with each other not to break peace or harmony at work, that’s why the Japanese people are not confrontational or assertive with each other in a professional environment. They diligently follow rules for that reason, too.

Host Family TIP: As the Japanese au pairs are typically not very opinionated for this reason, some American families get confused and think their au pairs do not understand the situation or do not want to be involved. It is usually the au pair understands the situation but she is being respectful for the family and refraining from expressing her own opinions. Do not expect them to be spontaneous in telling you what they think, but if you ask them for their opinions, they will most definitely try to respond to your request sincerely.

3. Food – As known here in the U.S., the Japanese people’s diet consists of rice, pasta, meat (normally no restrictions by religions), fish and veggies. There is not a significant difference between what the Japanese people eat in Japan and what American people eat in the U.S., however, the portions are much smaller in Japan, and they don't eat pizzas and cheeseburgers as frequently as Americans do.

4. Lifestyle: I don’t think there is a big difference in their lifestyles, either. In Japan, people get up in the morning and go to work, worry about the bills and kids’ grades, love movies and music, just like the people here in America. This is another reason why the Japanese au pairs are such a nice fit for the American host families because they understand the lifestyle of the busy host parents (just like their own parents were when they were kids), and people’s values in life.

5. Family: In Japan, families and relatives live together or close to each other, and have strong ties for generations. I see the same tradition here in the U.S. A sense of family is very strong in Japan, and people normally value their family and take care of their family members very well.

Edina: Thank you for sharing so much information about your country and people! Japanese culture is unique and beautiful. Can you tell our readers how you prepare the au pairs for their year abroad? Are there any common difficulties a Japanese au pair may struggle with when she first arrives in the United States?

Tamaki: You are so welcome Edina! Our culture and traditions used to be quite different than they are now in Japan. Things have gotten very “westernized” over the years and as I said before, there aren’t significant differences in everyday life between America and Japan, except for, of course, the language. So normally if a Japanese au pair has to struggle with something during the program, it’s the language, and hardly ever food, traditions or cultural differences. In fact our au pairs seem to enjoy those differences tremendously. Of course they could have difficulties getting along with their host families or their children but I believe that’s more of a chemistry issue, and not because of the traditions or culture.

As far as getting our au pairs prepared for the program, we always tell them to try to ‘talk to’ their host family as much as they can. As I explained before, the Japanese au pairs are not outspoken and that can work negatively in relationship building with the host family. Being modest is a virtue in Japan, but that will not work when caring for the busy host family’s children. They need to ask questions, ask for instructions, make things clear, report what happened, etc.

Communication between the au pair and the parents is crucial in taking care of children as a team. The Japanese au pairs tend to keep their feelings to themselves and are not good at expressing them. This very often raises their stress level and that’s the worst thing any au pair can do to herself. They have to always communicate their honest feelings to their host families and get any question answered at an early stage. I’m sure the host families appreciate an au pair’s communication because it’s all about caring for their children, and misunderstanding is the last thing anybody wants to keep a good working relationship.

Edina: I agree with you that open communication as a key factor in nurturing a great match, and you are so right about the children - it is all about them in the end, isn't it? Finally, would you tell us about your company? When did you begin the company, what does it do, how many au pairs do you recruit each year?

Tamaki: I started recruiting Japanese au pairs for the U.S. AuPair program at the end of 2006 immediately after having a fabulous Japanese au pair for my own family. When my husband and I had our second son, we both had full time jobs and with all our relatives living away from us (all of mine in Japan) we had to find childcare help.

So I got on the Internet and found the Au Pair program. AuPair International was the only agency at that time that could assist me in hosting a Japanese au pair for my family, so we signed up with them, and we welcomed Kayo, then 23, into our home as our au pair. What a wonderful experience it was! Kayo and we still chat via e-mail and Skype. This summer I am taking the kids to Japan for vacation, and we are all looking forward to seeing Kayo again for the first time in 4 years since she left us!

Because of the great experience our family had with Kayo, I knew the au pair program was such a wonderful childcare option for busy working families, and I thought there would be so many young people in Japan who would love to work as au pairs in the U.S., so I asked AuPair International to have me as their sending agent for Japanese au pairs, and they were very nice to offer a contract to me as their agent.

Today we work with AuPair International and AuPair Foundation, both U.S. agencies for the Au Pair Cultural Exchange Program. So far we have recruited a little over 100 au pairs. As we work exclusively with the U.S. au pair agencies, we don’t send our au pairs to other countries.

We have worked with AuPair International for over 3 years now, and we have had a great relationship with them. The AuPair International staff are very nice to work with (host families should definitely check them out!), and they are happy the job we do and the au pairs we recruit for them. In fact, they s now have so many host families requesting Japanese au pairs, we don’t have nearly enough au pairs to keep up with the demand! I think it’s a great thing and we are hoping to see more and more Japanese au pairs working in America!

Edina: Thank you for sharing your personal journey that lead you to Kayo and the au pair program! Kayo sounds wonderful! If host parents are interested in finding someone like Kayo, how do they find your company on the internet?

Tamaki: You are welcome! If parents are interested in hosting an au pair from Japan, they can visit our our site - we have a webpage just for host families:

http://www.aupairinternationaljapan.com/japanese_aupairs.html

Please let your readers know that they will have to sign up with one of our contracted agencies for the Au Pair Cultural Exchange Program in order to host an au pair from our list. Again, the two agencies we work with is Au Pair International and Au Pair Foundation.

Oh, lastly, can I give the host families who are reading this article one great tip?

Edina: Yes, of course, please do!

Tamaki: This is very important, no matter what nationality you choose for your au pair:

Stick to the max 45 hours/week rule! I can say, with confidence - this is the key to your successful match. As long as the family sticks to the “max 45 hours/week rule”and the au pair can have her own private time to pursue her other interests and have fun outside work, nothing can go terribly wrong. I have heard too many times about au pairs having to work overtime and getting stressed out. Many things can start going wrong if your au pair is exhausted from overwork. So let go of your au pair after her shift is over. Then your au pair is happy all the time, and she is ready for work every morning, and your program will be successful!

Edina: I cannot agree more! So many host parents stretch that basic rule and many au pairs become very unhappy and often ask for a rematch. We know the good au pairs will not tolerate this and they know they can get another family, easily and quickly! So if you don't want to lose a great au pair, stick to that "45 hour max" rule!

Tamaki: Thank you Edina, for giving me the opportunity to talk about Japanese au pairs and my company. I hope that our interview will be helpful to your readers! Your website is wonderful! There is so much useful information and it's very helpful.

Edina: Thank you for those kind words! We do try to give parents the necessary tools they need to make good decisions regarding childcare choices! I thank you very much sharing your wonderful insights into Japan and the Japanese au pair. We hope that more host parents will consider hosting a young woman from your homeland.

Do You Ask Your Au Pair to Walk the Dog?

Periodically a host parent will send me this question: "Can I ask my au pair to walk the family dog?" I just received the same question last night! This is my generic answer to this frequent question and how it spills over into other "non-approved" tasks a host family may want the au pair to take on!

Au pairs walking the family dog is one of these tricky, sticky situations where host parents are asking the au pair to take care of jobs, errands, tasks that are not in the au pair "handbook" given to them by their au pair agency. Most of these requests are not major demands and actually seem pretty innocuous. If the family dog really has to go and out, and the only person in the house is the au pair, is it really unreasonable to expect the au pair to open the door for the family pet? Of course, if you don't have a fenced in yard, well, then, she will have to put the animal on a leash and take it out that way. But still, can't you bend the rules, just a little, so we can all just get along?

Many au pairs are reasonable people, and of course they will jump in and take care of the obvious, like a whining dog who just has to go! But, should you ever write this as part of her job responsibilities? What about picking up the dry cleaning? Many parents like having the au pair run errands during the day when they cannot! Food shopping is another task a busy, professional host mom would love to leave to the au pair, particularly when the children are in school all day and the au pair could work off some of her 45 hours a week running errands.

I had a host dad who had his au pairs drop off and pick up his dry cleaning; she also dragged out the weekly recycling and skimmed the pool daily in the summer. And walked his German Shepherd every day, even in the rain, sleet and snow! His au pairs happily performed these chores that were not part of the official au pair work list found in the agency handbook! How did he get the au pairs to comply? Did he exploit them? Where his requests unfair?

We can understand parents who stretch the line between "approved" work related chores and "non-approved" work, but when do they cross that line? And is it ever justified?

Host parents can ask their au pairs to perform any task or chore or errand if it is related to the children and their childcare responsibilities. For example, an au pair can pick up a room if the child messes it (au pairs are not to do housework). Au pairs can help out at meal times, setting the table, loading and unloading the dishwasher, etc., because these chores are related to the children and the au pair is part of the family, like an older daughter, so you are not crossing the line when you ask her to "help" out during meals!

But, don't you ask your older daughter, who drives, to pick up milk at the grocery store for breakfast and yes, run by and pick up that suit you need for that big meeting at work tomorrow? So, why can't you do the same with your au pair? Seems fair to me.

Why do some au pairs balk and say "no" to added on chores? Why do many au pairs jump at the chance of helping out and do it with a smile? Is it the relationship between au pair and host parent?

Is it money? Do you pay your au pair extra to run errands you hate to do, or just don't have the time?

What are the factors that lend to having an au pair who is truly a family member who will pitch in when needed (and without being asked)?

Any thoughts?

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