Periodically a host parent will send me this question: "Can I ask my au pair to walk the family dog?" I just received the same question last night! This is my generic answer to this frequent question and how it spills over into other "non-approved" tasks a host family may want the au pair to take on!
Au pairs walking the family dog is one of these tricky, sticky situations where host parents are asking the au pair to take care of jobs, errands, tasks that are not in the au pair "handbook" given to them by their au pair agency. Most of these requests are not major demands and actually seem pretty innocuous. If the family dog really has to go and out, and the only person in the house is the au pair, is it really unreasonable to expect the au pair to open the door for the family pet? Of course, if you don't have a fenced in yard, well, then, she will have to put the animal on a leash and take it out that way. But still, can't you bend the rules, just a little, so we can all just get along?
Many au pairs are reasonable people, and of course they will jump in and take care of the obvious, like a whining dog who just has to go! But, should you ever write this as part of her job responsibilities? What about picking up the dry cleaning? Many parents like having the au pair run errands during the day when they cannot! Food shopping is another task a busy, professional host mom would love to leave to the au pair, particularly when the children are in school all day and the au pair could work off some of her 45 hours a week running errands.
I had a host dad who had his au pairs drop off and pick up his dry cleaning; she also dragged out the weekly recycling and skimmed the pool daily in the summer. And walked his German Shepherd every day, even in the rain, sleet and snow! His au pairs happily performed these chores that were not part of the official au pair work list found in the agency handbook! How did he get the au pairs to comply? Did he exploit them? Where his requests unfair?
We can understand parents who stretch the line between "approved" work related chores and "non-approved" work, but when do they cross that line? And is it ever justified?
Host parents can ask their au pairs to perform any task or chore or errand if it is related to the children and their childcare responsibilities. For example, an au pair can pick up a room if the child messes it (au pairs are not to do housework). Au pairs can help out at meal times, setting the table, loading and unloading the dishwasher, etc., because these chores are related to the children and the au pair is part of the family, like an older daughter, so you are not crossing the line when you ask her to "help" out during meals!
But, don't you ask your older daughter, who drives, to pick up milk at the grocery store for breakfast and yes, run by and pick up that suit you need for that big meeting at work tomorrow? So, why can't you do the same with your au pair? Seems fair to me.
Why do some au pairs balk and say "no" to added on chores? Why do many au pairs jump at the chance of helping out and do it with a smile? Is it the relationship between au pair and host parent?
Is it money? Do you pay your au pair extra to run errands you hate to do, or just don't have the time?
What are the factors that lend to having an au pair who is truly a family member who will pitch in when needed (and without being asked)?
Any thoughts?
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