You spent a lot of money and time interviewing and matching with the "perfect" au pair for your family. She is arriving in a few weeks and you think you are now "off the hook" and can relax! Not so fast! Before you retire your vigilance, read the following list of Do's and Don'ts when hiring an au pair and take that extra time to make sure your au pair is off to a good start. Even if you consider yourself a seasoned host parent, you may find a thing or two of value in our list that you may not have considered before!
DO make her feel welcome when she arrives. She will be nervous and will naturally looking for signs that she is indeed special. Make certain her room is warm and inviting, with a fresh coat of paint and her bed has been made with new and "youth oriented" sheets and quilt. Let your children know she is to be treated with kindness and respect right from the start. At home, have a special dinner waiting for her and the family. Place a Welcome Basket (see FAQs #10) in her room and let her go to bed early and let her sleep in the first day. Do make certain you have arranged for the day off so you can take her around town and show her where the post office is, the childrens' school, the park and the shopping center. Spending quality time with your au pair after she arrives is the best compliment you can give her.
DO set limits and rules from the start and in writing. Make up a notebook for her that includes all the necessary information she will need to do her job. Numbers of doctors, your office and cell phone numbers, emergency contacts, relatives and neighbors' numbers, school number and the list of all the other au pairs in the area, including the counselor's business card. List all of her duties and responsibilities and how and when you want them done. Show her how you want the children's rooms kept and how often you want her to wash their clothes and linens. Tell her how you would prefer her room to be kept, but don't push it - it is her private space and other than not allowing food in the room, let her keep it as she wants. This notebook will become her "au pair bible" and will be especially critical for her success in the beginning of her year. Include your curfew during the week - many parents do not want to do this, but it is important that she understand you need her to be fresh and rested each work day. Include rules about visitors coming into the house (no males allowed) and rules about eating in the living room, etc. and rules regarding the use of the car.
DO explain how to use the appliances and computers in your home. Don't assume she will know how to run American dishwashers, washing machines, etc. Placing typed directions near them or in her book is highly advisable. Tell her not to use bleach in the wash! Your au pair may confuse bleach with laundry detergent and ruin your childrens' clothes. She will feel terrible and so will you! Make sure you show her how to set the air conditioning in the summer and where you want to keep the heat set at in the winter. Many au pairs will turn these up during the day and you may wonder why your heating and electricty bills have suddenly spiked since her arrival!
DO make sure you assist her in selecting college courses. You are responsible for paying for course work (up to $500 a year) and you need to take charge and guide her through the available options. If you are not sure, call your counselor and get the information on the local universities and colleges that your program accepts credit from. Au pair agencies require registration at accredited schools, so make the college you and the au pair choose is on the list your counselor provides, otherwise you may end up wasting your money, the au pair will not receive any "credit" and she will have to start another course all over again.
DO set rules and guidelines for the computer, house phone and the cell phone. We recommend a cell phone for the au pair since you will be able to reach her and the children, otherwise you will have to wait to call her when she is at home. Adding another cell phone to your existing account is often very inexpensive and worth every penny! Let her know what your server's prices are for long distance calls and make sure you put a limit on her minutes. Explain that if she goes over the "limit" she will have to pay for the extra charges. Also, let her know she should be on the phone or using the computer during the time she is caring for your children. If she does not have her own laptop or you didn't provide a computer just for her, and she is allowed to use the family computer, make certain you tell her the rules. Tell her to use good judgment when visiting sites since your children can access these sites. Also, have a conversation with her about blogging on the internet. You don't want her using your familys' name and address on the internet and you don't want to see any negative or embarrassing stories about you and your family on any blog. Blogging is very popular among young people today, and au pairs are no exception.
DO explain your family's rules about TV viewing. If you do not allow your children to view TV during the day, make sure she understands this and also make certain she is not inviting the kids to watch R or PG rated movies with her - this happens more often than you may think. Providing a TV with cable in her bedroom will allow you and your au pair alone time and privacy. Do explain what TV programs and child videos are allowed in your home.
DO set a specific time aside each week to pay her and to review her childcare responsibilities. Try and compliment her even if she had a rough week. After the compliment, let her know what you are not happy with and make helpful suggestions. Ask her if she wants to discuss anything she may be unhappy or unsure about. Always support her when she is right and your children are in the wrong - it is important for your au pair to know she has an advocate in your home. One of the top reasons good au pairs leave a family is unruly and misbehaved children and parents who allow these children to run roughshod over the au pair. If you don't support your au pair's attempt to get your kids in line, she will find another family who will!
DO help your au pair plan activities for the children. You know what they like best and what is available in your town. Provide art supplies and appropriate games to play when they are housebound due to snow or rain. Plan and set up projects for family birthdays and holidays (making cards, cut-out turkeys for Thanksgiving, decorating for Halloween, etc.). Keeping her and the children occupied is a smart, proactive way to prevent boredom that often leads to bad behavior. Busy children and busy au pairs don't have time to get into trouble.
DON'T "sweat the small stuff" and give your au pair credit that she will learn from her mistakes. She came halfway around the world for you, so give her the opportunity to settle in and get it right. Encourage her when ever you can. Reward her when she does a great job (2 Broadway tickets will be received with great pride and delight) and she will keep trying to please you!
DON'T tell her that you think her personal hygiene needs improvement! If she is not bathing every day or washing her clothes once a week and your children are reluctant to cuddle with her because she "smells funny" call your counselor. Let her have a talk with your au pair and she will most likely explain American's obsession with cleanliness. Your au pair may not wash her jeans every week, because in her country, hot water is expensive. In addition, she may only have one pair of jeans and she and doesn't want to wear them out by washing them too much! Europeans often do not bath or shower everyday, but she must understand she is in America now and she has to fit in with our customs and ways of doing things. The counselor should have this discussion rather than you since she may be mortified to know that her family thinks she "smells bad." The counselor can approach this problem by explaining she always has this talk with new au pairs and that way she can "save face" and get on with becoming "Americanized" by showering everyday and washing her clothes weekly.
DON'T assume she can drive well even though she told you she can during the phone interview and the application states she has been driving "well" for years. Hire a local driving agency to take her out and test her driving skills. They will not only rate her present driving but can assist her in getting your state's driving license. If the car agency tells you she is not a good driver (and should not be driving your children) call your agency at once. If you are planning to keep the au pair, tell the agency they need to pay for driving lessons. Demand they do this since they advertised her as a driver and you have an official car agency telling you she is not - that is a breach of contract and they should either replace her with a competent driver or pay for driving lessons! Agencies know this, but will balk at first. Don't give in until they either replace the au pair or reimburse you for the lessons.
DON'T assume your au pair understands American customs regarding childcare! Europeans often have a more relaxed and laid back attitude about minding the children. It is not uncommon to see a dozen or more children in strollers left unattended outside a store or cafe while the moms or au pairs are inside having coffee. Let your au pair know she should NEVER leave any child unattended for any length of time, no matter what. A few years ago, an au pair was arrested and sent home for going into a store while the children were left in the car. A mother had walked by the parked car and saw the children inside (it was summer and it was hot). She called the police and when they arrived, the au pair explained she had only gone in for a minute and could see the car from the store. Her explanation didn't cut it and she was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child.
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