In Unsafe Hands - Au Pairs At Risk

WILLAMETTE NEWS
October 26 2011 Shaw Healey/NEWS
In Unsafe Hands

After sex abuse charges, a Lake Oswego au pair agency denies placing a woman in harm’s way.

She was 18 when she came to Oregon from Germany as an au pair and moved in with an Intel manager and his family in September 2010. She agreed to provide live-in child care so she could go to school and have an enriching cultural experience.

But the young woman says she instead fought off the host father when he touched her breasts and put his hand between her legs. She fled the house and told the police.

Back in Germany, she filed a lawsuit Oct. 5 in Multnomah County Circuit Court, accusing a Lake Oswego au pair placement agency of negligence and fraud.

The suit alleges that US Au Pair Inc. and its owner, Helene Young, knew two previous au pairs had reported sexual advances made by the father, Ashish Gupta.

The suit says Young didn’t warn the German woman about Gupta before placing her in his home. The suit—seeking $990,000 in damages—says the woman, now 19, later became suicidal.

Experts say this is the first lawsuit of its kind in the U.S., and it reveals how au pairs lack adequate protection from abuse.

Gupta declined to talk to WW for this story. Young, whose firm was paid $6,000 by Gupta for the placement, denied the allegations.

“There is no basis for the charges,” she says. “They are totally unfounded. Anyone who knows me and my organization knows that what is being said is not true.”

The U.S. State Department says its au pair program is “a mutually rewarding, intercultural opportunity” for young people (typically women) aged 18 to 26 to study here while working for and living with a host family.

The State Department has approved 14 au pair placement agencies in the U.S., and ensures au pairs get 32 hours of training in first aid, child development, cultural awareness and other issues.

What they don’t get, placement agencies say, is training on how to deal with sexual harassment.

Edina Stone, founder and CEO of Au Pair Clearinghouse, an online advocacy group, says it’s not easy for au pairs to speak up when things go wrong.

“The au pair agencies have pretty much depended on the fact that these girls are young and foreign,” Stone says. “They’re here alone, and they don’t know how to get legal representation.

“The German au pair did the right thing by bringing the lawsuit, because it’s the agency’s responsibility to make sure they’re screening both sides of the contract.”

The lawsuit says US Au Pair’s Young told the German woman’s father that “the Gupta family had a few au pairs working with them in the past, there had been no problems reported, and the au pairs had enjoyed their experience.”

Records obtained by WW show that police turned up a very different story.

Washington County sheriff’s investigators found notes in US Au Pair’s files showing that an au pair in 2009 reported that Gupta had asked if she was a virgin and said he wanted to see her in a bikini.

An investigator interviewed another au pair who said Gupta in 2008 rubbed her thigh and back, told her to leave her bedroom door open, and came into her room and lay down in bed next to her. She reported his behavior to US Au Pair staff, the sheriff’s report says, and says Gupta had tried to punish her by refusing to let her attend school.

The German au pair said Gupta touched her inappropriately on five occasions, and that she was initially too scared to say anything when Gupta put his hand between her legs while they sat on a couch.

At one point, she said, he grabbed her bottom. “She was shocked,” the sheriff’s report says, “and [he] then asked, ‘Can I touch it again?’ and she said ‘No.’ He then said, ‘Can I at least smack it?’ and she said ‘No.’ She said he then laughed and made fun of it afterward.”

She said she resisted when Gupta kissed her neck and touched her breasts; when she rejected him, Gupta cut her pay and denied her use of the family’s car.

When a sheriff’s investigator interviewed him, Gupta denied any wrongdoing. He told the investigator that he gave the au pair back rubs, adding, “where he works at Intel, it is common for people to give each other shoulder massages.”

The Washington County District Attorney’s Office charged Gupta in January with one count each of sexual abuse and harassment, both misdemeanors. Gupta pleaded not guilty and hired Stephen Houze, a well-known Portland criminal attorney.

The DA dropped the case after the au pair and Gupta reached a civil compromise—a confidential agreement that she wouldn’t pursue the case. Gupta is trying to get the record expunged.

Rayney Meisel, Washington County deputy district attorney, says her office didn’t agree with the deal but didn’t fight it. (The settlement didn’t include US Au Pair.)

“The victim was in Germany, and it would have taken a lot for her to be able to come out here,” Meisel says. “A civil compromise was a better situation for her.”

Au Pair Clearinghouse’s Stone hopes the case will encourage placement agencies to screen host families more thoroughly and give au pairs sexual harassment training.

“There should be an awareness campaign that says if you are abused, if your host parent does something to make you feel uncomfortable, you need to document it,” Stone says. “That’s what the agencies should be doing.”

Expert Au Pair Author Responds to US Au Pair Law Suit

My good friend, Talya Shoup, sent me her response to the breaking story of an au pair who is suing US Au Pair Agency. Talya Shoup is an author and editor of the popular au pair blog, Best Au Pair Guide, where she dispenses expert advice and top tips for young people who want to become an au pair!

Edina, the recent news of the German au pair, Amely Mae Conrad, suing her former au pair agency, US Au Pair, and its representative, Helene Young, for fraud, negligence, and sexual harassment is indeed big news. Of course, it is always best to hear both sides of a story before making a judgment call, but I would say that there are some things in this story that make me doubtful that the au pair agency in question, US Au Pair, is entirely without guilt in this situation.

It appears that the host father in question, who, according to the au pair filing the lawsuit, sexually harassed and assaulted her on more than one occasion. It seems that when she rejected his advances, he became angry an forced her to work more while docking her pay and saying abusive things.

This entire situation is disturbing, as au pairs are in such a vulnerable position. They are living with strangers in a foreign country, without family or the usual support system from home, and they often don't entirely know the new culture or home. Au pairs also tend to be very young, in their late teens or early 20s, making them all the more vulnerable.

If the agency in question is guilty as charged, and the host father did do the things that the au pair claims, then there were some major mistakes made.

Two other au pairs had been forced to leave this same family because of the father's horrid behavior. There should never have been more than one story like this - after one legitimate complaint of something of this nature, the family should not be allowed to host more au pairs. This should have never happened to more than one girl with the same family.

Of course, a trial will reveal more about the case, and hopefully the agency and its representative will be able to speak for themselves. If all that was accused is true, I hope they have excellent attorneys, because there is no reason that au pairs should be subjected to any sort of inappropriate sexual advances from their host families.

And for all au pairs - those working as au pairs and those who are interested in possibly being au pairs - must be cautious and aware of the sort of host parents they are working for.

Au Pair Safety Tips

I would like to offer the following tips for both prospective au pairs and working au pairs who may find themselves in a similar situation:

• 
  REPORT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR: You must report any sort of behavior that makes you feel threatened and unsafe no matter who is involved - yes, that means your host father! Call your parents at home and your host agency.


• 
  TAKE ACTION: If the problem is not remedied immediately by your au pair agency, demand to be moved out of the house and be given a new host family. There is too much at stake to remain in an uncomfortable - and possibly unsafe - situation.


• 
  USE COMMON SENSE: Au pairs also need to use common sense. If a potential host dad asks you sexually suggestive questions before you meet them (such as in this case), major red flags should go off. Host families should have no interest in your private life, and you should not be asked to dress a certain way, do anything outside your defined au pair duties, or be expected to share intimate information. There are plenty of safe, good host families out there needing au pairs, so there is no reason to put yourself at risk by accepting a job with a family who might be questionable.

The main point is to pay attention to any potential warning signs and to stand up for yourself. Always. And if you do find yourself in a situation with a questionable host family and an agency who won't do anything to help you, the police are always there. Better to be safe than sorry in this sort of situation!

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Read the entire story about US Au Pair Agency and the Million Dollar Lawsuit German Au Pair Filed for Sexual Assault and Fraud.

5 Reasons NOT to Hire An Au Pair

5 Top Reasons NOT to Hire An Au Pair

Not all parents and families are suitable for the au pair program. Hosting an au pair is very different than hiring a local college student to baby-sit or even hiring a nanny. These childcare choices are dictated by the employee-employer relationship. The childcare giver gets "paid" every week and may or may not live-in. You do not have to give the childcare giver a car, a cell phone or a computer to use! You will not be eating dinner with your babysitter and you certainly will not be sharing holidays with your nanny.

Au pairs are young women (or young men) who are between the ages of 18-26 who expect to become part of the family, audit college courses (that you pay for) and drive your car, live with your family and take care of your children like an older sister - compared to a salaried nanny or babysitter.

If you cannot meet the basic requirements outlined below, your family should reconsider hosting an au pair:

1. You Need More than 45 Hours of Childcare a Week: if you work long hours and need more than 8-10 hours a day from your childcare giver, au pairs are not for you! There are two main reasons for this. One, the majority of au pairs are young, in the 18-20 year-old age group. Young people are not able to care for children, especially younger children, for long, extended periods of time. They become tired, irritable and their judgment can deteriorate quickly. They need a well-deserved break after 8 hours! Secondly, the United States government has made working au pairs over 45 hours a week illegal. They understand au pairs are young and not fully mature to care for children for long periods of time – the Dept. of State makes it their business to ensure no overworked au pair compromises a child's safety and well being.

2. You Need Overnight Childcare: Au pairs are not allowed to work over 10 hours in a given 24 hour period – so if they worked during the day, they cannot cover for you during the evening hours. Many parents assume that since everyone will be sleeping, au pairs can be used to supervise the night hours – not so! If you are a pilot with staggered flights or work a night shift, do not hire an au pair.

"My host mom was a stewardess for Jet Blue and stayed overnight in Florida, etc., 3 or 4 times a week. I cared for her twins, age 3 well over the 10-hour limit. Finally, I complained to the agency and they rematched me with another family and this host mom was dropped from the program. Apparently, the host mom didn't tell the agency what her work was because she knew that au pairs could not watch the kids overnight."

Katie, Swedish au pair in Maryland

3. You Don't Have a Suitable Bedroom: Au pairs must have their own bedroom – they can share a bathroom with the kids, but they must have their own space. Their room should contain a bed, dresser, a closet, a chair and a table where she can write or work on a laptop. The space must not contain family articles or storage. The room also must be "suitable" and your counselor will check the room for: exit in case of fire (think basements), a solid door that locks from the inside and at least one window. If you do not have an extra room that has all of these requirements, you should not hire an au pair.

4. You Don't Like Sharing Your Home with a Stranger: If you or your spouse will feel uncomfortable with another person living under the same roof, reconsider hiring an au pair! Au pairs should feel welcome at all times and they should not have to walk on eggs every time you are home. Hire a nanny or use daycare.

"I lived with a family where the host mom hated having me around – I felt it, she didn't have to say anything. I always felt timid around her and also unwelcome. The host dad wasn't much better and I stayed in my room when they were both home. I was not happy there!"

Ana, German au pair in NJ

5. You Don't Have a Car for the Au Pair: Au pairs need to get around! They will have to attend college classes, attend cluster meetings, and go to the malls, movies, etc., with their friends. They want to visit other au pairs they have met and, more importantly, they need to get out of the house and be independent! An au pair who works all day caring for your children should have the option of getting in a car and driving to a place she chooses. Au pairs need to recharge and they have a hard time doing this if the only way to get personal space is to close the door to their bedroom! If you are not willing to share your car, or buy a second hand car just for the au pair, do not hire an au pair!

"I thought I could share my car with the au pair. My counselor told me this probably wouldn't work, but I am a stubborn person. The au pair arrived and it was very inconvenient for me to lend her my car every other day and sometimes every evening! When my husband traveled, I never let her borrow the car, since I did not want to be home with no transportation. Our au pair, who was wonderful, asked for a rematch and left us – all over the car issue! Second time around, we bought a used, banged up car and all of our new au pairs get to use this car anytime they want."

Sara H., Host Mom, Virginia

If you have questions about hosting an au pair, please visit http://www.aupairclearinghouse.com/ and read our advice, top tips, reviews and ratings on all things au pairs.

AuPairClearinghouse Is a Tremendous Boon to All New Host Parents

Au Pair Clearinghouse Offers New Membership Program for Parents Looking for Safe, Reliable and Cost-Effective Childcare

San Francisco, CA (PRWEB) August 27, 2010

America’s only consumer clearinghouse on au pair childcare has developed a unique, third party rating system of evaluating U.S.A. au pair agencies and will now offer exclusive reports and reviews to paid members.

AuPairClearingHouse.com, launched in 2008, provides parents with information on the au pair industry and offers updated news, articles, tips and advice on hiring and hosting an au pair and compares agency costs and services. Additionally, AuPairClearinghouse.com reviews au pair guides, books, blogs and websites and offers feature articles from au pair experts.

Despite the weak economy, the number of au pairs coming to the USA continues to soar and increasing childcare costs are driving this trend. Au pair agencies charge significantly less than daycare or nanny services for the same number of childcare hours. There is a downside - au pairs are young, may not drive or speak English well and generally do not have much childcare experience. Parents need to identify reliable agencies that adequately screen their au pairs and provide consistent, on-going support throughout the year’s contract. Au pair agency websites may all look alike but not all agencies provide the same level of screening and customer service.

AuPairClearinghouse.com provides the critical information parents need that most agencies don’t share with their customers – they also provide a Family Forum and blog where parents can share advice, tips and information about au pairs. Au Pair Clearinghouse’s mission is to help parents make educated decisions when hiring an au pair.

A special feature is their yearly “Top Au Pair Agencies” list that identifies the best and worst au pair agencies. The new membership service has three plans to meet every parent’s needs and costs are inexpensive – a yearly plan costs $7.50 a month.

An Educated Parent Makes the Best Childcare Consumer.

# # #

AuPairCare Survey

Would you like to share your experience as a host parent?

If you were, or are presently, an Au Pair Care host family who would like to share your experience with their Infant Specialized Program, please take our new questionnaire.

We promise, it is very short (only 6 questions)!

Click here to take survey

Thank you in advance for your time!

We value and appreciate your feedback.

Edina Stone
Founder & CEO
http://www.aupairclearinghouse.com/
Visit us today to read our reviews and ratings
of all 12 au pair agencies in the U.S.A.

Seems like you really have to be careful these days if you are a young girl applying to become an au pair. These have been a few news stories over the last few days about men exploiting au pairs (both here in the states and abroad) for sex. One of the stories quoted about 20,000 young women are brought here to America each year for prostitution and some form of sex exploitation.

Who is screening the host families? Are agencies doing enough to ensure that au pairs are safe and will be protected from harm and exploitation while they are so far from home?

Ideally, a counselor/LCC makes a home visit to the prospective host family, makes sure ALL family members are present, interviews the entire family and walks around the home, making sure it is clean, safe and has an appropriate bedroom and bath for the au pair.

While they are doing these tasks, they should be sizing up the couple - is there marital discord that can cause problems within the family and for the au pair? Is both wife and husband on board with the idea of hosting an au pair? Are the children polite and demonstrates they will not pose a safety threat to the young woman who will be in charge of them?

Unruly children have been known to strike au pairs - I had a family once where the children bit, scratched and threw bricks at the au pair. And they were not young - they were 9 and 12 and old enough to inflict damage on a person. I pulled the au pair from that home and the family was dropped. They were lucky the au pair didn't sue them for the scar on her forehead from the brick that the boy slammed into her head!

As summer begins, the bulk of all au pairs who arrive in the country for the year are arriving daily!

With that in mind, we posted an article on welcoming your au pair at our National Clearinghouse on the Au Pair Industry (www.aupaiclearinghouse.com) and today we want you to think about the basic requirements of a host family. Do you meet these requirements? Are you unsure you can provide the basics listed below? If so, you may want to reconsider hosting an au pair.


Read the following and make sure you can provide for the young woman who will be left in your charge:

1. Be willing to accept an au pair into your home as an extended family member (and not just as an employee).

2. Be willing to include the au pair in family meals, outings, holidays, birthdays, weddings and other events.

3. Speak English in your home and with the au pair daily. In addition, you must be a U.S. citizens or a legal permanent resident.

4. Be able to provide good, wholesome meals and a private room for your au pair.

5. Reside in an area covered by one of the agency's counselors or LCCs (you cannot be more than an hour away from that counselor's home).

6. Agree to the terms set by the U.S. Department of State (U.S. Department of State au pair exchange programs URL: www.exchanges.state.gov./jexchanges/programs/aupair.html)

By Edina Stone, at 06/03/2009

5 Top Tips for Stay-at-Home Moms Returning to Work

In these tough economic times, more stay-at-home moms are returning to the work place. What’s the best way for them to get ready? Career counselors say the first thing to focus on is attitude. Many stay-at-home parents need to get over the negative thinking, “Who will hire me now, I have been out of work for so long!”

Don’t be discouraged but be determined and focus on doing what you can to get back into the game. Here are top tips that can jump-start your decision to go back to work:


Tip #1: Get Ready and Invest in your Career. The better your education and training, the more options you will have re-entering the workforce. Many stay-at-home moms make the mistake of volunteering at school or on local town groups. Instead, take a class or register for a seminar in your field or volunteer in your area of expertise – keeping current is critical to your job search and it looks great on your resume!


Tip #2: Stay in Touch with Your Professional Network: Keep up with your peers from your prior workplace. Give them a call and stay in touch. Maintaining professional connections help peers remember you and they can often suggest an opening or other employment possibilities when they become available.


Tip #3: Polish that Resume: Take out that old resume and polish it up! You will need to customize a resume for each job you apply for, highlighting your skills and experience to the specific job requirements. Also, a three-five year absence is easy to explain, but 10 years is harder. Most human resource managers say age-related bias becomes real for both men and women over 45 and increases as we move into our 50s!


Tip #4: Do Go Back Full-Time: In these hard economic times, part-time positions or flex-time positions are harder to find, for you or anyone at any stage in their career. Make a commitment to return to work full-time and your employment options increase.


Tip#5: Find Affordable Childcare: When you do get hired, your pay may be at the low end, due to your lack of experience or the many years you have been out of the workplace. You don’t want to spend more than 40% or 50% of your income on childcare! You also have other expenses to consider: a new work wardrobe and commuting costs.


Consider hosting an au pair for very affordable childcare and the built-in flexibility it offers your family. If you are running late getting home, and your husband is away on a business trip, your live-in au pair is there to cover for you. Au pair care is cheaper than other childcare options: daycare, private babysitters or nannies. After school programs can be very expensive, and are cancelled in bad weather.